It constantly astounds me when I receive tentative enquiries regarding work or work experience how deluded, and indeed inappropriate so many people’s CVs and covering letters are these days. Grammatical errors and spelling mistakes aside – I don’t need to mention my speechless incredulity at the notion of sending an unproofed document in to a publishing house… – what strikes me most as mind-boggling is that no-one appears to research the company they’re applying to any more, let alone the industry as a whole. This may sound more than a little harsh, but I too was once one of those speculative applicants, and I certainly did not address an email to some twenty vastly differing companies at once, nor did I tell them (arrogantly) how much money I expected to be paid for my expertise and all too precious time, nor did I, surprisingly enough, inform them that my sole aim in working for their company was too progress my own burgeoning literary career.
Amazed? Oh yes, it does get better. Today I was directed to a MySpace page. Inappropriate I said, and inappropriate I meant. It strikes me that for all the online tutorials on how to tailor your CV to match the job you want (why is it that although this seems perfectly clear to me, people still insist on detailing what responsibilities were involved in their two year stint as barmaid to their local pub on Sunday afternoons?) , there is less of an understanding of where boundaries should be drawn: whether it be a question of register – did anyone else have lessons on how to write letters? – or personal/professional distinction.
My tips for prospective editorial/marketing assistants alike:
Please don’t tell me how much you enjoy horse riding, DVDs and eating out. I need to know you can write copy. Be succinct.
I do not want you to bring artistic and creative passion to the role. I want someone who does what I say and does it accurately. The mere thought of employing an Am-Dram-diva-meets-angst-ridden-teen is quite frankly terrifying.
I certainly don’t want to know you think you see a job in the publishing industry as a way to obtain a working knowledge of how to improve your work in order to increase its mass-market appeal in the hopes of getting large-scale publication contracts in the future. We publish a handful of unknown classics. Would we had mass-market appeal.
You are either a team player or work well on your own. Of course. That’s what the website said. I’d rather you show me that you have conviction in your decisions.
And what’s a people person anyway? I should well hope that by the age of twenty three you are adept at answering the phone.
Please don’t tell me your academic record is ‘outstanding’ when you got an ‘E’ for GCSE English Language. Hyperbole’s for the Reps to use.
And please don’t list each thing you did while working for The Prince’s Arms in 1998. In 1998 a pint of Boddingtons cost £1.98, England went out to Argentina on penalties, Titanic and Celine Dion became Kings of the World, Pete Sampras beat Tim Henman in the Semis at SW19, and Ted Hughes died. I was a barmaid too…
